On the Other Side of Crazy

I found My Self

On the other side of Crazy

Sweet Freedom

Made possible from the bitter

Profound Beauty

Found in the Ugly

Truth

Vibrating sheer magnificence

Knowing My Self

Seeing My Self

Bowing to all that I am

Human and Divine

Moments of Crazy

Moments of Grace

As I live my life

Make my way

Ecstatic

As my heart can no longer

Not LOVE

All that is

All that was

All that will be

And in finding My Self

I have found All

A shared heart

One Love

Dancing

Silently connected

Through the rhythm of soul.

 

Here I am living in Nashville, Tennessee, a new lifetime within my lifetime.  All that has been has led me here to this day, this moment and I truly bow to it all with abiding gratitude.  When I meet people or get to work with people one on one, they often ask how I arrived where I am, the way I live my life, the freedom I embody.  I laugh as I say:  I met my Self on the other side of crazy and now I live in the truth of who I am.

Most people don’t like the word crazy but it is the only word I know that can somewhat describe the truly indescribable – going to those places within that I couldn’t go without letting go of all that had tethered me and made me feel in control and helped make sense of my life and who I had believed my Self to be.  Drifting aimlessly with no agenda to arrive at some ideal place or some concept of where I should be or to get over the shatteredness from John’s death, I held everything – every thought, every feeling, every sensation in my body, every moment with an honesty I had never experienced.  The truth, telling the fu$%ing truth to my Self, understanding that I only owe my Self the truth and making it safe to go there into the ugliness and holding it sacred freed me.  Being in emotional integrity, not bullshitting our Self, knowing our Self as only we can through a fierce intimacy that allows what is and welcoming the crazy instead of pushing it away is enlivening as this allows the flow of truth instead of clinging to an idea of what we want to be or how we think things should be. 

It feels crazy to jump into the unknown like being thrown in the water and forced to swim or sink.  But being present to the crazy, seeing all it has to teach us and calling it friend as it ultimately liberates us and takes us into the depths of Self, the Truth of Life.  This is such a sharp contrast to feeling in control that the jolt can send us straight back to the surface of life, doing what we have always done, going along to get along.  This journey into the crazy isn’t for everyone but oh my, the sweetness in this freedom makes all the bitterness, the ugly and the sheer terror worth the trek.    

The invitation this day is to meet your Self, more of your Self through the truth of where you are – how you are feeling, all you are experiencing, what you need and want for your life.  Welcome the crazy!  Make it safe to say whatever you need to say.  Journal the truth.  Speak the truth silently or shout it aloud in the car or somewhere only you can hear it.  Free your voice.  Vomit the truth like hot lava exploding from the depths of you not for anyone else to understand but for you, only you.  Hold the truth in the palm of your hand.  Bow to it.  Love it.  Let it free you.