Friday, March 8, 2013

What's Fair Got to do with It?

I actually like to say: WTF does FAIR have to do with life?
Life is not governed by scales of justice hanging in balance.
ACCEPTING that life isn't fair, living in the mystery of it all, brings me a sense of PEACE that trying to figure it out, control it and manage it
simply doesn't.  And I choose PEACE and FREEDOM.

At John's funeral services, well-meaning people would say to me:  You didn't deserve this.  This never sat well with me as I am uncomfortable with the idea that someone else would deserve this kind of heartbreak and tragedy.

Based on our human limitations, seeing life on the surface, being a constant
judge and juror, trying to figure out how we can prevent life from kicking our ass, we want things to be controllable and manageable - neat and tidy.  If I do this than I am protected from that.  We become superstitious believing certain actions and thoughts will keep us safe - insulated from life.

When we experience the biting harshness of life's unfairness, we are free from thinking we can control the uncontrollable.  We are more compassionate when others are shattered by circumstances.  We know that they did nothing to deserve it.  We know life happened!  And tragedy and pain and the unwanted is a part of life NOT some measure of justice handing our asses to us.

I was on the phone a couple of days ago with my dear friends whose brilliant and beautiful 15 year old son died last July by suicide.  We were saying: What the Fu%& does fair have to do with life?  And we laughed together at the absurdity of the notion that life is supposed to be fair.  We know better.  Our experiences have cleared us of that thinking.

Accepting life on life's terms offers a peace and a freedom like no other.  We always have choices in how we face the events of our life but we don't always get to choose the events of our lives.  I must say that the things I would NEVER have wished for have shown me I am far more than I knew before AND I can be a friend to all wherever they are because I can be with their pain without judgment. 

This day, I invite you to observe when you are judge and juror instead opening your heart, meeting yourself and others with compassion and understanding.  We are in this together whether we are aware of this or not.  Befriend yourself so you can befriend others! 


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