Saturday, March 23, 2013

8 Years Ago Today!

I believe that some wounds are so sacred that they aren't meant to be healed.
Rather they become a part of us.
We carry them with us as reminders of how precious life truly is.

Today marks the 8 year anniversary of my brother, Michael Patrick McHugh's death.  He was 51 years old and had spent the last 18 months living as he was dying.  The prognosis was bleak from the beginning as he had advanced stage metastatic prostate cancer.  But he was determined to live, telling the priest who provided counsel:  I understand 'thy will be done' but I am still fighting like a bitch.

Observing Michael become more alive as he was dying, I wanted that kind of freedom without having to be diagnosed with cancer.  His life was now his own.  He let go of all the obligations, of being who everyone needed him to be and lived more honestly than ever before day in and day out.  He knew what mattered and what didn't and this clarity enlivened him even on the darkest of days.  And there were absolutely hellish days.

Michael's death initiated me into a new life that I had been reluctant to step into out of fear of the unknown.  His death made it clear to me that we never really know anything for sure and there are no guarantees.  And that's okay.  Being okay with the unknown creates a rich life of being present to the mystery,  staying open to the magic found in the moments of our lives.

I have visited with him in dreams over the years but the most profound encounter was him sitting across from me looking into my eyes smiling and urging me:  LIVE THE PASSION!  This message sent me into the inquiry of what this actually means and it continues to unfold me as I open more and more to life expressing through me passionately.

These past 8 years, I have discovered that some wounds are so sacred that they aren't meant to heal.  Rather they become part of us, integrating so we can use them.  We wear them as badges of honor like warriors returning from battle with scars to mark the experiences.  And to try to force healing in a conventional way or because others say we should can strip away the gifts, the beauty, the passion these heart punctures bear. 

Here's to all those we love that are no longer here to physically enjoy this life with us but remain with us as we live each day.  Let us carry them with us to remind us how precious life truly isMay you LIVE THE PASSION! this day and all your days!

No comments:

Post a Comment