Friday, April 12, 2013

Wide Open Spaces

Wide open spaces
within me and around me
leave me feeling light, grounded, yet swirling with possibilities.
Being with the unknown as I navigate these wide open spaces
feels familiar, all the shades of darkness and light.
There is a freshness in the air that breathes me and guides me.

When the Dixie Chicks released their single Wide Open Spaces, my sisters and I loved it, singing every word, feeling every word as if our own story was being told through song.  There we were, ranging from ages 30 to 42 at the time, relating to and experiencing this coming of age song where a young woman leaves home to make her way in the world because she needs wide open spaces.  This reminds me that no matter our age, no matter what we have accomplished in this life, no matter the roads we have traveled, there are always more roads, more wide open spaces within and around us to explore.

We forget there is more to explore as we build our lives, do what needs to be done to keep everything going day after day, bringing order into the chaos through our routines and check lists and jammed schedules.  And this is okay, completely natural that we forget.  We all do.  But, oh my, when we remember, there is a freshness to the air that breathes us and guides us that enlivens the five senses and beyond.  It's electric.

Yesterday, I walked into the Wide Open Space that was my late-husband's 4 car garage, a dream space that we built where he housed all of his toys and collectibles, tinkered with his cars, fed his need to work with his hands and get dirty, and retreated into John's world.  The black and white checked floor that he buffed and polished over the years was all that remained.  I stood there feeling light in my mind, body, heart and soul, grounded in that moment with both feet planted on the floor yet swirling with possibilities for what is to come in my life. 

I cried silently as I made my way to the house.  The tears were for what was, what is and what is to be.  I raised my face to the rainy sky and thanked the heavens for the wide open spaces that I have explored and the wide open spaces yet to be explored.  I can hold it all: the past, the present, and the future, riding the roads whether bumpy or smooth; and this way of being has been organic over the last 2 years and 5 months, living through my own death only to be reborn with the ability to navigate the unknown, these wide open spaces with a familiarity, an abiding connection to all the shades of darkness and light.  Ahhhhh.... 

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