Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Not borrowing WORRY...

It is human nature to worry.
We all do it even if we drop into pockets of this energy
and pop right back out as trust springs up to remind us all is well.
Honoring where others are, I don't try to convince them not to worry.
But I do NOT borrow their worry.
The minute I feel even a tinge of worry being projected onto me,
I consciously tune in to my higher knowing,
where I rest.

I connected yesterday with lifelong friends so we could formally say our goodbyes.  One shared her worries over the suddenness of my move and how she had resisted saying anything to me before but felt compelled to at this time.  She is such a generous friend and her intentions were out of the goodness of her big heart but as I listened, I detached from the worry she was projecting on to me and my life.  There was no defensiveness as I have nothing to defend.  And I was not offended as she was not creating an offense.  She was simply sharing where she was, expressing her experience around my choices. 

To others my move is sudden and it would appear that way to anyone outside of me.  But I know that this move has been 2 years, 5 months and 6 days in the making.  No one has walked my path.  Not because they didn't want to walk the path with me but they couldn't as it wasn't theirs to walk.  I know the surefootedness I feel with every breath, every step I take because I also know what it was like to travel life outside of my body, ungrounded, swirling every which way as if on a ride that I couldn't stop.  All of this has led me to this higher knowing where I can rest and trust as never before. 

My mom, bless her heart, was a professional worrier.  I watched her worry about everything and borrow worry from the neighbors as they shared whatever crisis was happening at the moment.  She would freak out with explosive outbursts over what seemed to be nothing to me and I would absorb her worry like a sponge.  I would feel sick to my stomach and even throw up occasionally as I borrowed her worry, not knowing as a child how to shield myself against this energetic violation.  

My siblings and I would tease that mom was happy as long as she had something to worry about so we would encourage each other to tell her our most disturbing news.  She blasted the news every night from 5pm to 7pm soaking in the troubles of the world, welcoming the intensity, scowing and twitching her mouth to the side in nervousness.  This was comfortable to her as she had been doing it her whole life.  I never saw her free of this until she knew the end of her life was near, 6 hour before she lost consciousness.  She had a peace that was so beautiful it transformed her physically before my eyes.

I am committed to NOT borrowing worry and invite you to do the same.  My amazing mom serves as the ghost of Christmas future for me, making me mindful that I have different choices to make if I don't want to waste energy worrying over whatever the wind blows my way.  I honor her life for what it was, for who she was AND I honor what I need in order to be who I am, to enjoy a freedom that she did not.

The minute you feel a tinge of worry being projected on to you, consciously tune in to your higher knowing where you can rest and be free to live the life you want to live.

No comments:

Post a Comment