Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Sun's Comin' UP...

Tom Waits penned the song Ol' 55 in 1973...
Sarah McLachlan's raw, wine soaked version recorded on her first take after a day long jam session went into the next day. is my favorite:
Well, my time went so quickly I went lickety-splitly, out to my ol' 55
As I pulled away slowly, feelin' so holy
God, knows I was feelin' alive
And now the SUN'S COMIN' UP, I'm ridin' with Lady Luck Freeway cars and trucks Stars beginning to fade and I lead the parade Just a-wishin' I'd stayed a little longer Lord, don't you know the feelin's gettin' stronger...

John and I used to sing the line:  SUN'S COMIN' UP to each other delighting in the new day breaking...

My body and mind are negotiating with my heart and soul.  I wanna go for my run, but there is a knowing to stay, be with this moment and let the sun coming up remind you of all that is to be, all that is to arise from this day, from your life, from all life.  Soak it up.  Let it mirror the promises it holds and that are held within you.  Hope is reflected in every ray.  It is for you.  It is for all. 

As a writer, I want to reduce the experience with my words but my soul invites me to be with it.  And then, I can do my part to attempt to language the unlanguageable.  This knowing does make me laugh at myself because I must try to share the gift of the moment no matter how short I fall.  This is my passion as a writer and lover of life.

I remain baffled by life and deeply intrigued.  The morning has come with clouds over my sun and rain falling gently.  This is a quenching of a thirst I didn't know existed.  I want this morning to myself, to nourish myself and take this into the group the rest of the day.  In an attempt to not stir the others who I adore but am not ready to be with, I quietly move my comfy lounging chair on the balcony connected to my room with a magnificent view of the ocean waters resting after the winds whipped them last night into a fury.  There are slight ripples coasting across the surface.  I say to the ocean in a silent exchange:  I know you.  You are me.  Thank you for the reminder.  Often, I forget this.

There is a private cabana with a bed and flowing sheer gauze panels found just at the foot of my spiraling staircase that leads from my balcony onto the beach.  I shall nap there when it is time.  That is a good thought.  It makes me smile inside with a secret knowing that this is essential to my cat energy, that loves to play when it wants to and loves to be alone in the world within myself.

It is terribly romantic here.  When I walked into my opulent room fit for a queen, I had pangs, longing for the touch of another in the bed that oozes sensuality.  It still stirs me.  I am grateful that in this moment, I am not revisiting times gone by, fueling the relationship with the ghost of my dead husband; rather I am wanting the connection that can only happen in our physical bodies.  Ohhhh...This feels so damn good.  Thank you...thank you...thank you, I say to the heavens.  This is evidence of the organic process to live right here and now, the life that is while cherishing simultaneously all that was; knowing with all of me how juicy and miraculous life is so I must savor it.

The sun is now peaking around the edges of the clouds that are a tad deeper shade of blue than the ocean - just enough to keep them from blurring.  Its rays of gold with tinges of magenta take me into my childhood drawings with crayola crayons and whatever scraps of paper I could find.  What a masterpiece!  And I am giggling to myself, as I fully acknowledge that earlier, I wanted to tell the sun how to come up and when to come up.  What a kick it is to be human, wanting what I want when I want it, having fixed ideas of how things should be.  And in my knowing this and acknowledging it, I shatter the boxes that threaten to keep life at bay.  Tethering life to fixed ideas is certain death while there is still breath in my body.  I know this.  But I forget.  And then I remember again.  Oh joy!

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, whatever you are feeling, give yourself the gift of being with the sun as it's comin' up.  Tune in and see all that it stirs.  There are messages that await you.  Welcome them.  Be open to the surprises.

The sun is now in full bloom.  I close my eyes and breathe in the bounty.  There is a kindredness.  Our communion this morning is as essential as the breath I breathe.  Thank you for nourishing me in ways I wasn't aware I was hungry.

I am now ready to be in this world.

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