Thursday, April 18, 2013

Saying Goodbye

Goodbyes are a part of life.
Whether the "Goodbye" is believed to be a brief interlude between visits
Or the Goodbye is indefinite.
Goodbyes are not easy
No matter how we look forward to what lies ahead.
They remind us that in order to go where we are going,
we must let go of people, places and things that we actually love.

Emptying the contents of my home has taken me on many journeys for which I am grateful.  The high school clippings and memorabilia was delightful to revisit.  My senior prom theme for 1987 was Never Say Goodbye from the Bon Jovi song.  I remember in our innocence and with the best of intentions, my classmates and I promised to Never Say Goodbye, believing that we could somehow keep things the same AND move on with the next chapter of our lives.

At 44, with a couple of lifetimes already lived within my lifetime, I don't have this expectation.  Saying Goodbye while difficult is necessary.  I love my friends and family.  Hell!  I love my home and the community.  But I must let it all go in order to step into the new life that awaits. 

One of my dear friends texted me last night:  I am in denial that you are leaving.  I responded that at some level I am in denial too so I can do what I must, so I can say Goodbye to a life I love which includes her and countless others.  Grace veils us with denial so we aren't overwhelmed by the flood of emotions and the enormity of what is taking place.  I thank the Heavens for this and welcome this force that keeps me going no matter what. 

Yesterday was 2 years and 5 months since John died so I have been saying Goodbye to him, to me, to us day by day.  This is the most heartbreaking Goodbye of my life.  But this doesn't make saying Goodbye to others easy.  As a matter of fact, the depth that John's death has taken me to, allows me to feel things with an intensity like never before.  And it reminds me of the connection that remains whether we are near or far, whether we are alive in our physical bodies or dwelling in spirit.

What a blessing it is to be LOVED and to LOVE!  This makes saying Goodbye bitter sweet.  There is gratitude for the sweetness of the love and connection that has held me, soothed me and kept me going AND there is bitterness in the letting go.  The love, the connection is eternal but the dance is different.

I invite you to acknowledge the gift it is to be LOVED and to LOVE.  It is all that truly matters! 

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