Is a constant ebb and flow
Beginnings and endings
Some are subtle
With ripples of change
Some are new chapters
With clearly marked lines
And some are entirely new lives
Where a lifetime dismantles
And our very life depends on
Entering a new lifetime within a lifetime.
While at the houseboat, I was visiting with friends that I haven’t seen since the end of last season marked by Labor Day weekend. Even before John died, I felt the shift into fall to be bittersweet because it is my favorite season but the summer fills me in ways that no other season can; and there was a knowing within me that not all of us who left the dock, closing our boats up and heading to our homes would return to our beloved Lake Cumberland to begin the new season marked by Memorial Day weekend. Over the years, I have watched boats that were once dreams come true for families change owners due to illnesses, to deaths, to events that brought in new chapters and new lives altogether. What a reminder that nothing stays the same in the course of our lifetime.
Catching up as we sat on the front of the boat, I was explaining that my soul came to live lifetimes within my lifetime and I am truly in a new lifetime. This can be difficult for people to wrap their head around which I completely understand so I do my best to share my experience. I went on to say that when John died, that lifetime ended. That life was gone and my very life depended on entering the new lifetime I am living now. I knew distinctly that if I continued to plug my energy into that lifetime trying to keep it alive it would kill me, squelching my life force and my soul would not allow this.
It isn’t as simple as saying: I made choices that led me here and yet I did make choices that were informed by my soul because I became so tuned in to this higher wisdom. The process has been organic, unfolding with each passing day in ways that surprise me and I could have never planned; and the choices have been choiceless in that I don’t talk my Self into anything. I am doing what I must, what frees more of me and life and living truer than I alone, at the level of my personality could have ever allowed.
The best part of my life is living in the unknown and the most difficult part of my life is living in the unknown. This is why I refer to my life as the divine comedy. It makes me laugh all day long to see what life brings my way and how there are moments when I try to figure it out but truly can’t. The newness fills me with wonder as I don’t know exactly where I am going yet I completely trust that I am guided and will get where I need to go throughout this lifetime. And it cost me everything, a life I loved and got to experience over a lifetime, to be this free – surrendered to life moment by moment. This new lifetime has been birthed from the old so I live with reverence for it all, the totality of my journey thus far.
The invitation this day is to embrace the ebb and flow of this life – the beginnings and endings: the subtle, the new chapters and the new lifetimes understanding that your very life depends on this. Sometimes, we kick and scream and grieve what was because this is necessary as we transition into the new. Sometimes, we are effortlessly transported as we ride the waves of grace that usher us into the new ever so gently. Hold your Self dear though it all. Look for the opportunities. Dwell in the possibilities life is offering you.