Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Letting Go and Reaching for More

Like a child
Swinging from the Monkey Bars
On the playground
We let go
And we reach for more
Until the end.

Yesterday marked 2 years and 7 months since my late-husband, John, died.  There are a few of us that this date pops up as evidence that we are alive and kickin’ and enjoying this journey in ways that surprise the hell out of us.  We began to text back and forth, cheering each other on and feeling the gift John gave us in the way he lived life each day with a rare zest that swept us up and infused us with the freedom to appreciate life as it is, to not waste energy holding on to the crap that prevented us from reaching for more life, more joy, more love available in any given moment.

Even when John would get pissed off about something as we all do, he would let it out and then say:  I’m not gonna give that anymore energy.  And sometimes, he would give it more energy saying:  Okay, I’m gonna give this a little more energy…laughing at himself as he vented to me.  But then, he would let it go, whatever it was, big or small, in order to reach for more and not let the disappointments, the frustrations, the irritations of life get in the way of the goodness that is ever-present.

MikeyO, John’s soul brother and my friend texted me:  Hope you are having fun today and living large xoxo.  I responded:  Living large for my man and me.  Lovin’ life as never before because he showed me (through his life and his death) the way and I now know the only life worth livin’ is one you love. 

When I look back at my journey since John’s death, I feel my Self Letting go to reach for more, like a child swinging from the Monkey Bars on the playground.  I have been building muscles metaphorically and literally.  I am now strong enough physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually to trust my Self to let go and reach for the next bar as I truly live in the moment as never before, loving my life for what it is.

There was a huge inner shift that happened shortly after my move to Nashville that shocked me.  I felt John integrate into my very being, my life, becoming a part of me not a ghost representing memories of the past, the life that was.  I had said over and over since his death that I expected to miss him every single day of my life, until my last breath.  There was no conscious choice to let go of missing him in order to reach for more but my experience was undeniable.  I no longer missed him.  I no longer felt the pangs of what was wishing and churning inside and out and feeling rocked by his absence.  John had become a part of me and I could not miss what was right here within me.
How this happened, I could never explain but it did.  This is proof to me of how mystical life is as the graces of the universe blow through and do what we alone truly cannot or could not.  In this very moment, we breathe in and breathe out, letting go and reaching for more.  In every moment of our life we are doing this whether we are conscious of it or not.  The invitation this day is to create a life you absolutely love, visualize your Self at play like a child on the monkey bars swinging in a rhythm: letting go to reach for more until the end.  And there is always more.

No comments:

Post a Comment