Someone shares a horrible experience
Of worry, doubt, fear & sheer terror.
They are well-intended
Trying to inform us & warn us
As to what is possible
Giving statistics and citing experts
And we take it on
Believing our experience
Of childbirth, job hunting, selling a home. Ordering on-line,
And so on
Will be similar.
We hope it won’t be
But the fear leaves us spinning
In the possibility & probability that it will
Creating the reality in our mind
Stressing us out
And robbing our serenity.
I was getting my hair done when my stylist, Allison, who is 7 months pregnant, told me about a friend sharing her horrific child birth experience giving details of flesh ripping and pain meds not working. Allison was pissed off that her otherwise lovely friend thought this was okay to paint in detail such a picture of absolute hell; and she was understandably scared, trying desperately not to believe that this could happen to her too but consumed by the thought it actually does happen and why would she be exempt from it happening to her.
There is a fine line between informing, being helpful and planting seeds. Unconscious of our crap, we mean well and say things that leave an imprint, a belief that causes worry, doubt and fear. We all have done this whether we can pinpoint an actual event or not so her friend gets a human hall pass (at least from me…Allison may take some time to give her one. Lol! ).
What came to mind were the things people said trying to be helpful to me when John died: The second year is harder than the first…you are so protected right now but eventually you will have to face the reality that he isn’t coming back…At least you know what it is like to be loved the way John loved you and you loved him. What you had is rare and you’ll never love like that again. I actually made a top 10 list of dumbass things people said using humor to alchemize the anger and make my heart light. The belief that the second year is harder was diffused by saying to myself: One day at a time, girl! Stay in the moment, this is your life, right here and now. The belief that I will never love the way John and I loved has been reprogrammed by affirming: I know how to love big and share this love all my days. I welcome great love into my life from those I am privileged to journey this life with. This keeps me open to the possibilities and invites love from others.
We all borrow beliefs from others that rob us of our serenity so the key is to recognize that we have taken it on and find a way to let it go. If we don’t, we create the reality in our mind causing unnecessary stress on our nervous system and making life about as fun as diving into a pool of snakes. And I also believe that our thoughts can bring in the experience. The awareness that we have choices and we have tools to help us release a belief will bring us into our power available right here in this moment.
Saying the Serenity Prayer over and over and over tunes us into our divine connection, reminding us where we have power and where we just don’t (this isn’t a negative belief that I am planting. It is truth that we are powerless AND powerful BOTH). The prayer is: Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. This prayer can carry the light into our darkest days because there is no denying that we all have our asses handed to us at times.
Saying affirming words over and over and over soothes us and reprograms beliefs: One day at a time…all is well in this moment…everything is okay…I am loved and divinely guided in all moments of my life…I rest in peace, love, joy, hope, grace, faith…I am calm knowing the hands of love hold me all my days…I let go and let God…Everything is unfolding for my highest good and greatest joy.
Visualizing ideal images, the best outcome, painting a picture of everything working out perfectly and feeling the peace in your heart in this knowing overrides the nightmare in your mind. Lie down, close your eyes and breathe gently in and out through your nostrils calming your nervous system before introducing the new images that will create a new reality.
Being a writer, I love to journal affirming thoughts and describe the ideal scene, the movie in my mind with a happy ending. This helps me ground in the beliefs that feel good and bring me back into my center, my higher Self, the well of peace within, right here and now. This is a surrendering to the present moment where I can rest in what is instead of dwelling in what could be. There is true power in this practice.
The invitation this day is to pay attention to when you borrow beliefs from others, when you take on their worry, doubt and fear based on experiences they have had. You don’t have to scream (but if you do, it’s okay…give yourself the human pass): WTF! Shut the hell up…or anything else that might pop into your mind. This awareness is for you. When you are conscious of what is taking place, you can release what grips you and steals your serenity. Welcome the information and take action to let it go. YOU and your life are worth the effort and know the grace of the heavens will assist you in the freedom you desire and deserve to live all your days.