Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Your SH%# Matters...

(We forget.  We remember.  We forget.  We remember.)
I believe we all want the same things in life:  to know we matter, to love and be loved, to connect honestly to our Self and others.

When I set out on one of the greatest odysseys of my life:  writing my book Passing On Hope, my confidence was ROCKED.  I believe it was an act of grace that I had no friggin' idea the extremes I would endure from the first time I put pen to paper to 2 1/2 years later when I would hold my book in my hands.  I had to lose myself to find myself.  And, boy oh boy!  being lost sucked.  There were lows where I felt like my existence in the world had no impact and it wouldn't matter if I dropped off the face of the earth.

One afternoon, I went in to my late-husband's office in tears.  He was on the computer and when he looked up to see me upset, he immediately asked, "What's the matter, Gee?" and reached out to hold me.  He was just what I needed as I descended into a full on meltdown.  In my crying voice, I tried to explain all that was bubbling up:  missing my old life where I knew what the fu#% I was doing, wondering what the fu#% I was thinking when I decided to write this stupid fu#%ing book and ultimately, feeling like my shit doesn't fu#%ing matter.

In a husband-of-the-millennium moment, he assured me:  Gee, your shit matters!  Saying this over and over and over again until I believed him, until I remembered.  He didn't try to stop the explosiveness that needed to come out and he didn't jump on the crazy train with me.  He simply reminded me that I mattered, that my life was meaningful.

Later that day, renewed and full of hope, I went back into my office to write.  John had left me a gift, scrolling across my laptop screen in bright bold red letters:  Gee, Your Shit Matters...I love you, John xoxo.  Those words are forever written in my heart.

To be human is to be insecure.  All of us have moments where we question the value of our own life and forget the magnificence we are.  What a wonderful act of love and service we give each other in reminding each other that we matter.  We all matter.  We just do!

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