WHAT IF WE CAN ALL BE ASSHOLES FROM TIME TO TIME?
(Take Your Turn. Be HUMAN. It makes you less righteous.)
In honor of today being my late-husband, John's birthday, I felt compelled to write about kindness as this was truly an effortless way of being for him. AND he could also be an asshole (albeit far less than me) from time to time just like the rest of us.
I always feel bad for celebrities who get caught on film being assholes and the clip plays over and over as the masses play judge and juror, pretending to be perfect and superior. When I see these clips, I honestly think to myself that every person has had a similar moment (well, I KNOW I have!) when the ugliest parts of us COME OUT TO ROAR. While I know it feels much better when I am kind, it is unrealistic to believe I am not an asshole from time to time.
As a coach, people welcome me into their lives, baring their souls as they share and allowing a level of vulnerability that brings healing. Perfectionism is the source of immeasurable torture in our culture. Perfectionism - not in a balanced energy where a person aspires to do their very best, but in an abusive energy where a person holds their self to an impossible standard, beating their self up compulsively for the inability to live up to this ideal, not allowing for the humanness. Perfectionism that I see is motivated by shame and guilt not out of self-love that makes healthy choices to honor their highest potential.
When I posed the question to one couple: What if we can all be assholes from time to time? This inquiry was transforming for them. It made them laugh out loud and now, they admit that when one of them is in the middle of an asshole moment, they check their self and take responsibility, owning this behavior - finding the humor instead of picking up the bat to beat their self up with shame and guilt. They even agreed to a percentage and made a sign for their fridge: 15% ASSHOLE. This new way of being has even made them more kind not just to each other but to everyone else they encounter.
When we appreciate our own humanness, we truly begin to appreciate the humanness of others, making us less righteous and more accepting of even the ugliest parts that we want to wish away. Instead of pushing away what we are ashamed of, it is more healing to be kind to ourself, befriending and integrating all of us.
Below is a workshop that I did 4 years ago: CULTIVATING KINDNESS! It is indeed a worthy practice simply because it feels so damn good to be kind and it starts with your self so be generous.