Please! Please! Please!
Don’t box IT in
Don’t try to define IT
Let go of ideas
Let go of concepts
The All-Healing Balm
Through all of Creation
ALL of the World
The divine essence
We can taste
Even in the bitter
Christmas 2006 brought unexpected gifts, embodying the true spirit of the season that miraculously lies within us all: LOVE. HOPE. PEACE. JOY.
My late-husband, John, had been recovering from quintuple bypass surgery which profoundly changed our inner and outer worlds. John was exceptionally kind and generous, but the surgery opened his heart even wider. The day we arrived home from the hospital he spoke with great insight and clarity, “We aren’t the same people who left for the hospital eight days ago.” I smiled at him completely understanding and assured him, “I don’t think we’re supposed to be the same after such an experience.”
We had walked into the great unknown. The plans we had made were set aside. The routines which created a sense of safety in this unpredictable world were released. John’s life was literally in the hands of the surgeon and the heavens. I had to surrender to what was moment by moment, step by step, day by day. Three days post-surgery, he flat lined right before my eyes and after what seemed an eternity, his heart was restarted. This experience shook me to my core and still lives in my bones. I knew with all of me that in a flash, life changes. Life ends. We are not in control. And knowing this both terrifies us and awakens us.
John and I began to consciously acknowledge the sacredness of this life. As we climbed out of bed, he would say, “There will never be another day just like this one so enjoy it.” This set the intention for us to greet each day as a beloved friend with much to share, staying open to life no matter what it brings and welcoming it all, looking for the opportunities, mining for the gold, extracting the ever-present beauty. The laughter, the tears, the difficulties, the triumphs, the connections with others and the tasks that filled our days were now holy. We allowed ourselves to be more and do less, refusing to over-schedule our lives with obligations, blossoming in the white spaces on our calendars and coming alive in the joy of living life on our terms willing to disappoint others but not ourselves.
John, a man-child with an infectious spirit always loved Christmas. He decorated everything inside and outside of the house – even decorating our four-post bed with garland and lights calling it the “Christmas bed”, reminding me with raised eyebrows that this is where the best gifts were given. John was jolly and playful – truly Santa year round embodying a rare generosity. No strings attached only heart strings ever-giving.
On Christmas day, he didn’t let his recovery keep him from piling the gifts under our tree. He awakened me by kissing my cheek and whispering in my ear with excitement that Santa had come. We sat on the floor and began our tradition of reading aloud the love notes we wrote each other. John stopped in mid-sentence as he was overcome with emotion. He paused. Allowed the enormity of all he was feeling to wash up and through him. And he began to weep silently which grew into a sob. I joined him in this raw moment. We melted into each other. On the other side of hell, here we were made anew recognizing fully the power of love which held us as we walked through the fires. Grateful to be alive, we were completely present to each other in a vacuum as we shared the intensity of a love so grand that words fail me. He looked me in the eyes, placed his hand over his heart and with all of him said, “My cup runneth over.”
We knew as we had never known that our love is indeed the greatest gift – our love is the miracle that fuels our lives, heals, transforms and is eternal. All of the remaining walls that fear had built around our hearts to protect us were now released. We were free, living in the magnificence of LOVE, PEACE and JOY from this moment on.
This transcendent love that we lived in for 4 more years took me, took us, took life into a new depth – the grace in the tragedy! I would never have wished for John to endure bypass surgery or for him to die; and yet, I sit here in this moment feeling only the grace in it all, feeling this big love ever-present at work even in the harshest, most traumatic moments of my life. Miraculous! We are miracles. Each of us. Living prayers, living holograms – the divine expressing through us as us. And at this point in my life, 7 years after John’s bypass surgery and 3 years after his death, I live in another depth of love beyond human made possible by all I have experienced that surprises the hell out of me and leaves me bliss-filled in awe at the vastness of the soul; and I know there is more, always more love to taste and awaken the miracles within me, within all, within life ever-flowing.
The invitation this day is to drop into your heart and feel the LOVE you are, the LOVE that lies within YOU – close your eyes, place your hand over your heart center and let your breath guide you into a new depth, touch your divine essence, feel your heart open wider and wider with every breath, allow this ever-present love to free you, to bring the miracles through you born of the purest vibration that flows and pulses awakening you to the truth of all that you are and the beauty of this life – JOY springing and smiling radiantly for no reason and a million reasons, HOPE ushering in new dreams whose time has come, PEACE knowing it is all good even when it doesn’t appear good. Loving your Self, Loving others, Loving life is a miraculous way of journeying this life come what may. Write this on your heart: LOVE brings MIRACLES!