The Woman in the Red Truck

 

NEVER underestimate the power

Of your PRESENCE.

It is indeed the greatest gift.

 

I headed out for a run, surrendering to Mother Nature’s gift of the pouring rain and delighting the part of me that is fed by in climate weather which transports me into a vacuum of oneness with all of Creation.  There was no where I had to be, no one waiting for me to take them out skiing or make breakfast so I was completely in the here and now with no plan.  There was a silent urging as I ran further and further up the road.  I ran past a red truck at the corner stop sign and felt guided to look back.  The truck continued to stay, a deliberate stop that was prolonged.  I ran toward it as the window rolled down and I could hear a woman’s voice and see her shadow.  I thought I knew the woman but couldn’t recall who she was which is common for me since John’s death rewired my brain.  When I got to the window, standing within 2 feet of her, I didn’t know her and this didn’t matter as she began to pour her heart out:  I just got back from Louisville.  Doug’s got the worst form of Leukemia and it doesn’t look good.  He is in pain and whittling away to nothin’.  They told him he had allergies and now it’s cancer.  What am I supposed to tell my mamma?  There was a little girl who was 9 and she told me she only has a couple of weeks left to live.  She told me not to worry because she and Doug will have wings soon flying around the Heavens watching over everyone – even her parents who are in prison who she hasn’t seen since she was 4.  She is ready to die after 4 years of treatments and not feeling so good but has hung on to make sure her granny who has raised her is okay.  I couldn’t believe that little girl was comforting me.  Where does her strength come from?  How can she be so peaceful?  …I am out driving because I don’t know what else to do.  I just moved back here after leaving my husband of 15 years.  He took half of everything and I keep wondering when all this bad stuff is going to end.  I just feel so mixed up and I don’t know what to do for my Bubby, Doug…

I stood there with the woman in the red truck as the rain poured over me held in timelessness where healing happens mystically.  I listened.  I didn’t try to fix anything as there was nothing to fix.  I was able to bear witness to her pain and anguish and sorrow and grief as well as the miracle of the 9 year old angel and the love this woman has for her bubby and mamma.  I let her say whatever she needed to say until she ran out of bottled up steam expressed through words; letting her tell me when she got what she needed.   She told me she had better move on down the road so I shared this with her:  Never underestimate the power of your presence.  It is the greatest gift you can give your brother.

She drove away and I ran back to the houseboat, giving thanks for the wisdom of my experience being present to my brother, Michael during his cancer and ultimate death.  This journey with Michael taught me that my presence is indeed the greatest gift and left me in awe that this undervalued, unacknowledged force within us creates miracles in this world.

The invitation this day is to value and acknowledge the gift that is your presence and see the gift others bestow on you with their presence.  Know that your presence in this world is enough.  Be with your Self.  Be with others.  Witness the miracles.

When We Speak Their Names

 

The African proverb:

When we speak their names

They live.

Reminds us

That those we love

Who have departed this Earth

Transitioning from their physical bodies

Into Spiritual Beings

LIVE within us

Through our existence

And when we pause

To speak of them

How they lived

All they gave us in their life

And in their death

They LIVE

In our conscious

Appreciation for the dance

We shared

And continue to share

The companionship that is now invisible

But equally as real.

 

While at the houseboat, the man, the legend, the myth that is my late-husband, John is spoken of by everyone from friends, family, neighbors on the dock to strangers who knew him and find their way to me in order to impart the gift of their stories.  I love this, welcoming the aliveness that is John, evidence that although he is no longer here physically, he is sewn within the fabric of my existence and in all those he touched with the beauty of his life and his death.

I was listening to a band at a dock party when I noticed a thirty-something man walking up the stairs and was struck by his resemblance to John – not so much physically as energetically.  He approached me smiling and saying:  You don’t know me but I know you.  John was a good friend to me…What a gift to share the joy of John.  I thanked him for the exchange and as I turned to walk away, he added:  He was the best – one of the greatest guys ever.  I nodded in agreement turning back to smile when I began to weep gently tears of gratitude and sorrow. 

Walking back to my houseboat, the moon was a blaze piercing me with wonder when I had this nudge from John:  I am here with you, within you…Remember this.  A calm washed over me as his companionship was and is undeniable.  The mystery of this silent connection is as real as any physical connection I experience throughout my day.

My friend, Pamela, who is a minister, sage, mystic and priestess was the celebrant over John’s funeral service.  As she stood at the podium in front of the traumatized, grief-riddled masses who called John friend above all other roles, she shared the African Proverb:  When we speak their names, they live…and opened the floor to anyone who wanted to share a story about John.  The joy of this exchange as one after the other stood making us laugh and moving us to tears filled all of our hearts with a sense of awe in our dance with this man.  And it thrills me that 2 years, 7 months and 20 days later, John’s name continues to be spoken, he continues to live.

Yesterday would have been my late-brother, Michael’s 60^th birthday so my sisters and I told stories, spoke his name and felt him alive within us.  My niece had a visit from my mom in her dream state so we began to speak her name and experience her spirit infusing us with laughter and the delicious humor that she used to alchemize the heaviness of life.

The invitation this day is to speak the names of those who have departed this Earth, transitioning from their physical bodies into Spiritual Beings.  Know they are still here with you.  Dance with them.  Breathe them in.  Feel them alive within your very existence and let this truth fill you with appreciation and awe.

The Rest that Rain Invites

 

The rain pours

Washing away what was

Clearing the air

Ushering in the new energies

Life brings forth

Moment by moment

Full of potential

That springs from nature

And from all of us;

And inviting rest

That is necessary and essential

To the flowering

That is sure to come.

 

It is pouring the rain which has invited a level of rest that I have not experienced in a long time.  I lay here in my bed with my laptop plucking away at the keyboard as I am filled with gratitude for the creative fires stoked in this space.  In the midst of the showers, I know the flowering is sure to come.  I hold it all:  Where I am and what will be as the rain washes away, clears the air and ushers in new energies.  The whole of creation is bursting with potential in this necessary and essential rest that I don’t always allow or appreciate as part of living.  I get swept away by the movement which is equally as important but must be balanced to create an embodied harmony within my Self.

The rain tapping on the roof of the houseboat serenades me in a soothing cadence.  The rain plunging into the lake bubbles up in a staccato rhythm that is visually magnificent.  The rocks reflecting on the water fill me with wonder at the living hologram that life is.  The sparrow at play riding the winds and the rains mirrors the grace that is eternal, pulsing through, ever- alive within me and within all of creation.

My great nieces, ages 8 and 4, are up and giggling in the room next to mine, chattering away dramatically as they experience their own special rest that the rain has invited.  They inspire me, leaving me with a smirk on my face in utter appreciation, with their sense of excitement through rain and shine.  They effortlessly welcome what is, surrendering to the whims of creation, living the art expressed through each of them as individuals and sharing this in their sisterness.

Muffled conversations are coming from the kitchen with pots and pans clanging as the others stir to brew coffee, make heuvos rancheros, toast and oatmeal to nourish the bodies that carry us into this moment, this day, this life unfolding perfectly and miraculously even as the rain pours.

This sacred dance that is life must be welcomed with gratitude whatever it brings.  The invitation this day is to see the beauty in the rest and in the movement.  Find a balance:  Do.  Be.  Do.  Be. 

Shifting into Another Gear

 

It’s a great day.

It’s a great day.

Life is damn good.

Life is damn good.

Thank you for the gift of my life.

Thank you for the gift of my life.

Thank you for this day

And all the miracles that it will certainly bring.

(Repeat over and over all day long.)

 

I woke up walking sideways with my head foggy and dense with heavy congestion that affected me: mind, body, heart and soul.  I acknowledged all I was feeling not denying what was but know the power of affirmations to help me shift into another gear so I began to say over and over:  It’s a great day…It’s a great day…Life is damn good…Life is damn good…Thank you for my life…Thank you for my life…Thank you for this day and all the miracles that it will certainly bring.  I put one foot in front of the other doing the things I needed to do assuring my Self that all is well; everything is good even when it didn’t feel that way.

When I got to the fitness center in my condo building, a neighbor and I made eye contact exchanging pleasantries.  Then, he said in a way that I knew he was trying to convince himself:  It’s a great day.  We laughed together with a shared knowing that it is a great day even when we are off-kilter and reminding our Self of this is a powerful tool to shift gears.  I explained to him where I was and how I had been saying those exact words over and over to tap into and invite the greatness of the day regardless of how I was feeling.  It was a wonderful connection with someone I had never spoken to before that moment enlivening me with a sense of how our stories play out differently but the human journey is a shared experience full of similar challenges, struggles and triumphs – small and large. 

While it is important to acknowledge our feelings and not deny them, it is equally as essential not to wallow in them or identify with them to the point where we are swept away like a river flooding through us, knocking us off our center, carrying us into overwhelm that is all-consuming.  We are not our feelings yet we have feelings about everything.  We are far more than the sum of our experiences and yet the experiences of our life are information about where we are and help us get clear on what we want.  We are creatures of soul – limitless and magnificent.  Self-talk through affirming dialogue allows us to tap into our higher Self, that well of strength, courage, truth that creates miracles in our lives, lifting us beyond the muck that restricts us with heaviness as we feel burdened, hopeless, defeated and powerless.

The invitation this day is to experience the power of Self-talk where no matter what you are experiencing or feeling at any moment, you remember all that lies within you.  From this space, all things are possible as we hold the paradox of life that everything is okay even when it doesn’t feel okay.  The soul is nourished by truth so speak it all day long

People We Pass Along the Way

I shall pass this way but once

Therefore, any good I can do,

Any kindness I can bestow,

Let me do it now

For I shall not pass this way again…

-William Penn

Yesterday morning on my way to the fitness center on the 4^th floor of my Condo building, I passed by one of the housekeepers who I see regularly at this time of day.  We always stop and exchange pleasantries.  I always thank her for all she does for me and the tenants keeping the building so beautiful; but today, she needed to hear this in a way that I could not have known.  When I looked her in the eye thanking her, seeing her human to human, acknowledging all she does and showering her with heartfelt appreciation, she began to cry and asked if she could hug me.  We embraced as she said over and over in a crackling voice laced with tears and joy: You see what I do…you really see what I do…Oh, Thank you…Thank you.

As we parted ways getting on with our days, I thanked the Heavens that I got to be a part of such a rich exchange that reminded me once again of the power of connection, timing and how we all want to be seen and appreciated.  In the hectic pace of life, it is easy to be blind to the people we pass along the way.  Heck!  We are often blind to our Self, feeling disconnected, out of touch and anything but kind ignoring our needs.

After my workout, I began to write, stretching my leg across the island in my kitchen as I stood in front of my laptop typing away.  All of a sudden, a window washer tethered from cords was hanging outside my window working away.  I began to laugh out loud waving to him and grabbed my phone to take a photo.  He stopped and waved and laughed along with me as I captured the moment.  In this silent exchange, there was so much fun that I gave thanks to the Heavens that I got to experience it.

Just a few hours later I was finishing a phone session when two guys dropped in front of my window on scaffolding suspended by cables as they descended doing structural repairs to the building.  We waved and smiled at each other with exuberance happy to be seen and for the brief connection.  Again, I thanked the Heavens.

I headed to the grocery store and immediately saw a group of firemen shopping in the produce section.  In the wake of the 19 firemen who died, I felt compelled to thank them for their service and all they do and how I just take them for granted knowing they help keep me and the community safe.  They were touched by our conversation, getting misty eyed as they stood there tall and strong and reminded me that serving is in their blood, it is just what they do.  I understood what they were saying but let them know how glad I am that they do what they do and just wanted them to know.  I gave thanks as I made my way through the store checking off the items on my list one by one. 

There were even more profound encounters throughout the course of that day from the cashier at the grocery to the concierge team in my building and the mail man, the valet and the server at dinner.   I paused to reflect on the fact that each day is filled with opportunities to connect, to see and touch the people we pass along the way whether it is in the elevator or on the street but we don’t seize the moment.  We rob ourselves of the richness in these heart to heart experiences.  I definitely feel the power of the kindness offered to me and the kindness I got to bestow on others as I am high on life from the divinely mundane moments that have made up my day and make up my life.

The invitation this day is to remember:  You shall pass this way but once…any good you can do, any kindness you can bestow, do it now for you shall not pass this way again…

Wow...Wow...Wow...

When we are at a loss for words

Because they seem inadequate

To express the experience of awe

We are feeling,

“Wow”

Is what springs from our lips.

“Wow”

Let’s us be with what we have witnessed or heard

Soaking it up

Absorbing the unexpected gift

Brought forward by a moment in our life.

It was reported that the last words uttered by Steve Jobs, the Apple CEO & Tech pioneer were:  Wow…Wow…Wow.  And I have a feeling that he had spoken these words often throughout his life as he was a master at staying open to the possibilities as he passionately created visions of what others called impossible and brought them to life.  He lived in the Wow.  Living in the Wow includes WTF! Moments as the process of bringing through ideas is a dance of surprise with stumbling blocks, barriers and clear vistas that miraculously appears manifesting the genius that won’t let us rest until it is birthed.   Jobs was no doubt wired to be innovative and reminds us that the journey, passionately pursuing what brings us joy is indeed itself the reward granted in this life.

We all deserve a WOW Life!  We do.  The feeling that we get to live this life, we get to have amazing experiences, we get to love and be loved by wonderful people is something we all deserve to embody.  Deserve is often a word that doesn’t rest well in our culture, fearing that if we think we deserve good that this means others who aren’t experiencing the good we are don’t deserve it.  We get caught up in over-thinking instead of resting in a knowing that the goodness of life is infinite and is available to all of us in various ways and we all deserve this without exception.

Living in the Wow, being joyful in your life is contagious and has a profound effect on others.  I love when JOY leaps from an email, text or from the presence of others or in the spoken word.  It is undeniable that we are lifted from this energy whether we pause to recognize it or not.  Your Wow life is a great act of service for the whole of humanity freeing others, reminding them of their magnificence and all that lies within them.

The invitation this day is to welcome the Wow available to you right here and now.  Remember that you get to live this life, you get to choose how you live it and what a good life means to you, you get to experience amazing things, you get to love and be loved by wonderful people.  Your joy is what makes life rich.  You deserve to experience the abundance of this life.  You do.  Wow…life is damn good.   

Following the Signs: A Mystical Dance

A splat of gum

A heart shaped cloud framing the sun

With bursts of yellow

A rainbow without the rain

A sparrow swooping

A “greater than” symbol perched in the sky

A number sequence

A fish jumping out of the water

A crow on top of the houseboat

A grasshopper standing firm all day long

A stranger’s laugh echoing through you

Reminding us that Miracles abound

When we are present to life.

Some may call this magical thinking and I wouldn’t disagree as there is definitely magic when we dance with the mystical, following the signs life presents.  Communication with realms beyond this one is as real to me as sitting at the Frothy Monkey with a friend chatting it up over coffee.  I delight in this sacred dance where I feel held in an abiding connection with the whole of the cosmos.

I got a text from a friend today who will soon experience the 1 year mark of her son’s death.  In my blog Rainbows, Butterflies, Songs…, I wrote about her following the signs and letting them infuse her with hope to go on living in the midst of her unbearable pain.  Today, she sent a photo of a rainbow with the caption:  A rainbow without the rain.  How symbolic of all the rain she has had to endure as she looked for the hope no matter how it has poured, but today, no storms and no rain, only rainbows decorating the blue skies as she sat in her backyard.  She added that she is still following the signs and even a splat of gum now has significance as she looks at the world with new focus.

Einstein observed:  There are only two ways to look at life.  One as though nothing is a miracle.  The other as though everything is a miracle. I love this!  When I live as though everything is a miracle, acknowledging that miracles abound when I am present to life, I feel the beauty of this journey with all of my heart even on my darkest days.  When I live as though nothing is a miracle, I forget the magnificence that is, that exists within all of creation and within every moment orchestrating this mystical dance perfectly even when I don’t understand it.  One fills me with abiding faith and the other makes me feel lost in a sense of meaningless, grasping for answers instead of living the questions.    

There have been countless doors closing and opening in my life over the last 2 years, 7 months and 14 days; some slamming shut and others gentler in their gradual seal; some flinging open instantly and others more painstaking in their incremental arrival at open.  Following the signs has allowed me to bridge what is with the possibilities of what will be, keeping the faith that all is well as I navigate this new life.  The signs are like head lights helping me see in the darkness of the unknown, guiding me as I walk by faith not by sight with my soul’s journey unfolding.

This past weekend at the houseboat, I had a grasshopper stand firm next to me all afternoon as I lay under the canopy on top.  I looked up the symbolism as I felt there was a message from the spirit world through the grasshopper in an undeniable way.  It said:  Grasshoppers are a symbol of good luck all over the world.  When a grasshopper appears to you, you are being asked to take a leap of faith and jump forward into a specific area of life without fear – usually, it is one area you are avoiding and it is often connected to change on a large scale: change of location, relationships, career or how you perceive yourself.  It concluded with:  You are taking the right steps to move forward in your life…listen to your inner voice you have the wisdom necessary to overcome obstacles…trust your dreams.

To me the signs are information to be used, to inspire and assure me not to rule over me in some superstitious way rendering me powerless.  It is not an obsessive seeking in following the signs rather an easiness with whatever comes my way in this magical dance.  It felt good to read the affirming words and I find value in this alone; but the greatest gift is believing that I am guided every minute of my life by assisting forces working for my highest good and greatest joy; infusing me with hope and imparting wisdom; dancing in partnership with me in ways that I can feel but could never explain. 

As I climbed out of bed yesterday morning, I heard something walking on top of the houseboat.  I walked up the spiral stairs to find a coal black crow standing there 2 feet tall with his chest out perched staring into the depths of me; and then, in a flash, he flew away cawing.  He was there to remind me:  the Magic of creation is calling out to us every day if we dare to listen.  The invitation this day is to follow the signs, listen to the magic of life calling you and inspiring you to live in the mystery where anything is possible.