Cultivate KINDNESS...

WHAT IF WE CAN ALL BE ASSHOLES FROM TIME TO TIME?

(Take Your Turn.  Be HUMAN.  It makes you less righteous.)

In honor of today being my late-husband, John's birthday, I felt compelled to write about kindness as this was truly an effortless way of being for him.  AND he could also be an asshole (albeit far less than me) from time to time just like the rest of us. 

I always feel bad for celebrities who get caught on film being assholes and the clip plays over and over as the masses play judge and juror, pretending to be perfect and superior.  When I see these clips, I honestly think to myself that every person has had a similar moment (well, I KNOW I have!) when the ugliest parts of us COME OUT TO ROAR.  While I know it feels much better when I am kind, it is unrealistic to believe I am not an asshole from time to time.

As a coach, people welcome me into their lives, baring their souls as they share and allowing a level of vulnerability that brings healing.  Perfectionism is the source of immeasurable torture in our culture.  Perfectionism - not in a balanced energy where a person aspires to do their very best, but in an abusive energy where a person holds their self to an impossible standard, beating their self up compulsively for the inability to live up to this ideal, not allowing for the humanness.  Perfectionism that I see is motivated by shame and guilt not out of self-love that makes healthy choices to honor their highest potential. 

When I posed the question to one couple:  What if we can all be assholes from time to time?  This inquiry was transforming for them.  It made them laugh out loud and now, they admit that when one of them is in the middle of an asshole moment, they check their self and take responsibility, owning this behavior - finding the humor instead of picking up the bat to beat their self up with shame and guilt.  They even agreed to a percentage and made a sign for their fridge:  15% ASSHOLE.  This new way of being has even made them more kind not just to each other but to everyone else they encounter. 

When we appreciate our own humanness, we truly begin to appreciate the humanness of others, making us less righteous and more accepting of even the ugliest parts that we want to wish away.  Instead of pushing away what we are ashamed of, it is more healing to be kind to ourself, befriending and integrating all of us.

Below is a workshop that I did 4 years ago:  CULTIVATING KINDNESS!  It is indeed a worthy practice simply because it feels so damn good to be kind and it starts with your self so be generous.

Cultivating KINDNESS:

COMMIT to The Practice…

It all starts with a commitment to practice kindness!  Choice by choice, moment by moment, day by day, we practice KINDNESS as a way of being.  Apologize when you aren’t kind, forgive yourself, ask for a do-over and try again and again and again. 

OBSERVE Your Life Compassionately…

Patiently & kindly observe yourself and the world around you – BE PRESENT in your life.  Observing your words, your feelings, your choices, your behaviors, your body talk, your beliefs, your interactions with others, you become AWARE.  In this awareness, you can mindfully live your life.

HONOR Your Needs…

KINDNESS starts with being kind to yourself!  Your relationship with yourself impacts all relationships.  Know what your needs are and give yourself permission to take care of yourself every single day.  Find ways to de-stress: go for a walk, move your body, eat healthy, sleep, take a breather, be with good friends, go to the park, sing, dance – whatever YOU need!

ENJOY Your Life… 

Schedule Downtime.  Just be.  Say “No.” You will blossom in the white spaces on your calendar!  Do not over-schedule your life and let the burden of your obligations drain you.  Make time for the things you absolutely ENJOY!  After all, this is YOUR life.

CONNECT with Yourself and Others…

We crave connection!  When you can connect with yourself, you can connect with others.  A smile, making eye contact, saying “Hello!” and listening generously are simple yet powerful acts of KINDNESS.

AVOID Nothing…

When you meet whatever comes your way head on, you can make the choices necessary to move through any circumstances.  Avoidance makes everything pile up, overwhelming you and depleting your energy.  Honest conversations clear the air and make room for solutions.

STOP Fighting to Be Right…

Allow others to have their own points of view and express their opinions.  Respectfully listen even if you do not agree.  No one wins when we have to make someone wrong so we can be right!

GIVE Thanks…

There are no two words more powerful when spoken from the heart than “THANK YOU.”  Be an appreciator!  Appreciate and acknowledge the gifts of each day and each person in your life.  Go to gratitude all day long and watch your life expand in beautiful ways.

LIGHTEN Up…

Laughter heals, releasing a vibration of joy in simply being alive.  Don’t take yourself or life too seriously.  Be playful and look for reasons to laugh and invite humor into all of your days.

DWELL in The Possibilities…

Attitude is everything!  Shift your perceptions.  Be the change.  BELIEVE!  If you think nothing will ever get better, it won’t; if you believe that something is impossible, it is.  When you see the possibilities, feel the possibilities and live the possibilities, you create an expansive life of adventure and wonder.